I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk
I'm not 50 something, I am 49.95 plus shipping and handling.
I don't have hot flashes, I have short, private vacations in the tropics.
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.
Born free, now I'm expensive.
Forget health food, I need all the preservatives I can get.
When you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
You can't stay young forever, but you can stay immature for the rest of your life.
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust.'
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency' I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor!'
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL.'
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
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